Bottled Up

I’ve been alienating myself from all, even from my own-self.  The distance is getting wider.  The wider it grow the more comfortable I get, am I really comfortable!! I am keeping a content happy face, don’t want to be judged, don’t  want to spill negativity all around coz you know.. it is contagious. But I did, I gave up to the dark side of me.

 

I am angry, agitated, roasting deep inside.  I am mad at “FRIENDS”,  people I know and others I don’t. I keep blaming them for screwing my plans, parts of my own life, then  I come and relate it all to self, it is not their responsibility, it is my own responsibility, I should stand up for myself and fight for what I want.  I have neither the will nor the energy to fight.  I claim they are not the Real Deal anyway therefore not worth the effort…but after all aren’t  they destroying whatever I am constructing!!

 

I am mad at dreams and aspirations; they don’t seem to come true.  I am disappointed and at some point decided to quit dreaming and be realistic, go with the flow and see what kind of good/bad stuff real world might bring me.  Now am not being impatient, but I am closer to uncertainty.

 

I am totally losing myself, the one I used to be, the one I aspire to become…am currently an image of someone I can’t relate to (emotionally that is). I am mad at me for letting go of the once was me.