Six months away from that day , we met again. In a once was an amazing place, an intimate district that has its idiosyncratic scent and significance, checked green tablecloth, hideous mismatched chairs, and an unbearable feeling of desolation.
I said I missed him; I wasn’t lying, he said the same and I am sure he said the truth. Something about the energy, the place, along with the conversation was urging me to leave after the first 30 minutes. I should have stopped there; I should have grabbed my”self” and rushed out . Alas, I didn’t; I am-with him- always late; always a step behind, always missing out on the right time.
He decided to put on Aristotle’s robe and started-indirectly- preaching, directing, condemning, and judging. I played along until finally philosophy bored me, I showed discontent. I started talking “me” while he showed lack of interest. Desperate for a rare/genuine moment of connection; I bounced back to his realm where he associated wisdom, Ghandi, and Greek Mythology.
I violently disapproved the association of Myths and Reality, epics of vicious atrocities to peaceful history making. I wasn’t defending the symbol, as much as I was defending my right of speaking up, talking my heart out, being heard and appreciated.
An hour later I decided to cut myself off him. I left awaiting this warm/flirtatious sms that habitually follows our gatherings, nevertheless today it not only came late but as icily as it could be… solitude prevailed.
According to Merriam Webster Solitude means the state of one who is alone. Solitude may imply a condition of being apart from all human beings or of being cut off by wish or circumstances from one’s associates.
In the long journey of finding refuge and comfort;
- – I am in the process of losing a friend whom I once declared “family”, he suspected my intentions and questioned our relation, while I underestimated the consequences not indifferently, but out of sheer belief in familial bond.
- - I learned to cry my eyes and heart in, I did it today
- – I don’t question religion, neither my religion nor any other.
- - I wonder if am growing up or growing old!!