When he first stepped into my life I asked if he is here for “a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. “lifetime” he answered. While I was sure he is there only for a season.
Now, I can positively tell that we both didn’t get that right..he was there for a reason.
A reason that dawned on me long after days and months of grief and anger…and finally making peace with the fact that I’ve lost -fairly-.
It actually dawned on me when I noticed that people started calling me ن “Noon” instead of Nerro. I recently changed my nickname on all social media and networks from Nerro to ن.
For long -I believe it started when I was in college- people have been calling me Nerro. I used to like the nickname with its childish reverberation and effect. But recently I couldn’t relate to it. I look back and I like the Pippi Longstocking-ish kinda playfulness and charm but..this is no longer me. People change..and I have changed.
M was there for this, he was my steppingstone to womanhood (on the grand and profound level of the word).
I would have liked to say that he walked me gently towards maturity, alas, it wasn’t the case. Over 3 years; he literally dragged and skinned me inside out to it. Does it make any difference? I think it was the only way out of my half child/half woman state.
I am exploring my new state, enjoying my way off the bud..and thankful for Pippi’s courage and laughable soul. Walking away while keeping that one line out of this stage to the next “don’t you worry about me, for I will always come at the top”.
I am also genuinely thankful for M and everyone who filled his heart with (explicable) hatred and anger towards me, for making me fight the fights of a woman not the child that I was. For teaching me that the absolute belief in goodness and intentions is the most ridiculous joke I used to tell and repeat. For being the “reason” verb & noun.
I am truly and heartily grateful.
Love & Light