From a Sculptor’s Diaries “a couple of torn out pages”

These are torn out pages from a sculptor’s diaries…God only knows why she took them off her chronicles. Maybe she wanted to erase them from her life for good…maybe she had the memory carved in her heart and mind and thought that was enough….or maybe she just didn’t want to be charged of insanity??? Who knows!!

Lost Page # 1

“I woke up one morning with the intention of creating the most magnificent piece of art….a piece that I won’t mind if no one except myself liked it. Yes…It is gonna be totally mine. A piece that I will not exhibit … sell…or present to friends. They said am crazy…but but I thought it is a band-aid on loneliness.

Started mixing up materials…got the clay ready…but…no…would my perfect statue be made of clay…just like the rest!!!! Won’t be up to my expectations then. I will marble carve my perfect work. Carving him was hard…took too much time…thinking and planning. I then invaded my formless piece…tough to control and surpass…days and nights…blood and sweat…yet I smile and laugh when I feel the victory and see more features. My eyes sparkles whenever I look at you…and see the almost perfect model I yearned to.

Hallelujah….today is the day….you are gonna be complete and flawless…what a surprsise??? when I entered the hideaway to add your final touches….you expertly decided to add them up yourself….”surprised…yes…proud…tremendously….coz that’s the kind of perfection I sought”.

Lost page # 2

Enjoyed his glamorous presence in my life….kind of substituted everything and everybody. Gave me strength to live and love, stand and fight….time passed…and with everyday I get more attached to him….even at the Grand Ball….I went out bragging with him….my MARBLE piece…yes…I keep on reminding myself and the others…”he is not like you…he is something else…and you are not up to me”.

My perfect statue started a sense of narcissism that I didn’t like…I developed a sense of romanticism that he didn’t accept….convinced myself it is only of my imagination… Soon he started to whine, object, and rebel….what??? Against who…me?? his existence became ugly….what am I supposed to do now??? Finish him?? Can I?? what a sour feeling…when you feel that your heart is gambled for …??What??

Held an axe…would it work?? Looking to each other straight in the eye…he stared…I cried….left the place for days. When I came back he was still there…with a sweet smile…the one I first saw….kissed him….lied and said “I am leaving temporarily”…kissed back and hugged me tightly…my perfect marble statue…knew I am lying….knew I am leaving him and everything else that would remind me of him behind.

Published in: on March 19, 2006 at 2:49 pm  Comments (8)  

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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I am glade to find you mentioning that it is an extract at the very first line of the post, or else Nesreen and I would have asked you too many questions:))

    I guess you’ve learnt the lesson:))

  2. ya wonderer: I am the one who wrote this up…as if ya3ni I found a couple of pages of a sculptor diaries w keda…tried to imagine what would a sculptor face…and what things would she/he hide from others…w keda ya3ni 😦 it is not from a book aw ay 7aga

  3. Ba3dain ba2a, ya3ni when u finally make things clear so that wonderer and I think u r making our lives easier … we discover Al aih… u made it up or wrote it up , tayeb mat2ouli keda :)).
    It’s very good and interesting begad ya Noury.

  4. eh ya nerro… you really want to drive us crazy mish kida!!

    i clicked the comments icon to wite a comment more or less just like wonderer’s, then i read hers, and your reply!!

    bas all things aside; if you wrote this up from your own imagination.. i think you can have a good place in writing fiction. give it a try.

  5. la 7alwa wala qowata ela bilah, tab mat2ouly kida men el awel. Thanks God I wasn’t the only one here:))

    Bas begad ba2a, one of the reasons behind the confusion here, is that the post is really great. You impress me everyday ya Nerro.

    May I ask what the heck are you doing behind your desk in this company. I am sure it is not your place, you should be in the world of Arts and Litreture. I really mean it. You are a hell of a good writer and an impressive photographer.

  6. Nerro,
    Great , this is an excellent story , really impressive , u have a vivid imagination , geminis always surprise me 🙂 (my husband is a gemini btw ).

  7. MIB: glad u liked it ya otta…bas yeah…I wanted to confuse you shwaya 😉

    Do: You think so?? well, hagarab fiko then…and u tell me what u think. kisses to you and Roora.

  8. Wonderer: I am flattered big time w keda…told ya…Jo March’s spirit sa3at betrafraf 3alayah 😉 lol…thanks a lot ya gamila…and sorry for the confusion again ma3lesh ba2a 😉

    Rain: first let me congratulate you for choosing a GEmini husband…that’s a very smart move “Looool”…then am really glad u like it bgad…thanks for the sweet words.

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