Revolution

“The greatest challenge of the day is how to bring about a revolution of the heart, a revolution which has to start with each one of us” Dorothy Day

Almost 2 years ago…I revolted against myself….decided to smash the transparent shield…was so determined…and thought it is a piece of cake…but it wasn’t as easy as I thought…as the shield was getting thicker everyday…stabilized my thinking…figured…it is gonna take so much time…effort…and requires lots of patience and Persistence.

Started taking baby steps…one after one…in the middle…I deliberately forgot the destination….many changes….. for me poeple were like scary creatures…whom I used to avoid. See now…things are totally different…I opened up to lots of people some are close friends, and some are not…I dare now to let people strip me off…mentally..never had the guts to do it before though. Being mentally nude infornt of somebody is way harder from being physically nude I guess…that’s the way I perceive it at least.

A couple of weeks ago..a friend asked me if I am opened to new relations or not??…later realized I told him that I am kinda opened to new relations…it is just…the one I am looking forward to is not there yet…a “year+” ago my answer would ‘ve been..I am so afraid of going through a new relation…and come out of it with a broken heart. Crushes…were my alternative for genuine emotional fulfillment…no wonder it never worked…it shouldn’t…
I am not afraid…I am ready to go through experiences…not only emotional ones.

During the past 2 years..I’ve been exposed to things, places, and ideas that I wouldn’t have thought they do exist to begin with…the void is being filled…it is an ongoing process…endless…if I may say.

Yet…I gotta admit…in a more complicated situations…..I prefer to stick to the safe zone. Normal, it happens… Just passed thru one of those “situations” a couple of days ago. Wanted to do something that I thought would help others…and I thought it is important as well…made a few steps forward..by the time I reached the final one…I chickend….apparently the shield is not totally destroyed…here..I came to understand that I didn’t really forgot my destination…I just figured that the destination is to embrace the journey.

Realized that I’ve to go through the journey…. till the end, stumble, fall, laugh, and cryt…and get the best out of it…good, bad, pretty, ugly, whatever it is…coz everything counts..

Published in: on May 4, 2006 at 11:18 am  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. C’est la vie sweets.. we should experience joys & pains, ups & downs, fear & safe.. till we at last settle on what comforts us.. take care that we’ll never stop learning till our last breath ;o)

    missed u alots sweets.. congrats for the newlook :oD

  2. Ricohhhhh :D…miss u soooooooooo girl…that’s what I meant…our destination is where we drop dead…and the journey is what to have to go through..

    new look wise…shofty pinky ba2a w 7arakat “wink”…kisses

  3. If I’m to write about what I’m going through now, it would be exactly what you wrote about ya Nermeena..

    I guess I’m still in the very beginning of that revolution phase.. Don’t know if I’ll be able to complete the journey to the end, or I’m gonna quit in the middle!

    Crushes…were my alternative for genuine emotional fulfillment…no wonder it never worked…it shouldn’t…
    I am not afraid…I am ready to go through experiences…not only emotional ones

    Crushes were always my alternative as well.. however, I’m still not ready for any experiences!!

  4. Moon:Don’t quit….I know what u r talking about…it looks hard at the begining…but enjoyable and worth the effort…I know u felt this…3ashan I was the same as u when I was about ur age…but walahi…it worth the effort and pain sometimes. Wishing u all the best in ur journey.

    As for crushes…i had crushes…experiences…crushes back😀 take ur time…and do it when u r ready…don’t rush…
    p.s: crushes are cool..

  5. “coz everything counts..”

    Love that ya Nerro… yep…fe3lan.. everything counts

  6. I went through this developing phase before. During school days, I was silent as a rock. I hate myself when I remember that. However, ba2et bal3a radio delwa2ty zai manty 3arfa.
    Life is a great school.

  7. LoL…am glad I knew you after the “silent as rock” phase…can’t imagine you like this though…you are not bal3a radio…you are ok😀


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