Thoughts and Notes

– I will turn 29 in  a few months.. I think  am too juvenile -as in young not immature- for 29, it is not the 29 that really bugs me -not sure if it bugs or unease me- it is the 30…that number creeps the hell out of me.  Not only for the fact that I can’t relate to the number of years. But we can add to it that am single. 

– Now listening to 3asfour tal men el shebak. I like the song particularly for this part that goes like “3asfoor tal men el shebak w 2ali ya Nono”, back when I never knew what the heck was this song about aslan, I thought “Ah, this is my song,  it is originally written for me”. Early egocentric tendencies as “eloquently ;)” put by a dear friend. 

– Back to the first bullet: The strange thing about this whole status of acceptance/denial..(coz u know… I sometimes accept the fact that am growing up and some-other-times am in complete denial. I never fought any of them, I just go with whatever I feel at the moment).

 

It is pretty intriguing….Never felt more positive, assertive, and confident than I do now. Some people believe that am overconfident.  “X who was at a point a futlie potential for a husband to be” once told me eno I should cool it down a bit ya3ni as he feels eno am a bit haughty given the person I am.  He believed/thought/wanted to convey that am not pretty enough and not that special ya3ni…at the point I had 2 options:

a) get offended and call him a superficial, fat, brainless jerk, or

b) tell him that the “self-esteem crashing strategy” won’t work with me. 

What happened was as follows:  my answer was “call me an ugly duckling, but that won’t change the fact that am a beautiful heart and mind”.  Needless to say that I called the whole thing off. 

It felt AWESOME back then, I realized it later that night.  Believe it or not, there is something seductive and gratifying about that kind of self-confidence that comes from your intellect, can not be compared to anything else.

As for the being single bit, I don’t know, I guess it would be nice to have someone cuddle and pamper me, or give that hug I want every now and then. Someone I can connect with without uttering a single word.  Someone warm enough that I can slickly belong and relate to.

On a sad note: Joseph Barbera the co-creator of  Tom & Jerry died Monday of natural causes at his home in LA, @ the age of  95.  May God bless his soul.

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Published in: on December 20, 2006 at 1:42 pm  Comments (16)  

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  1. I can totally relate to what u r saying. I didn’t reach 30 yet, but this feeling is not related to age. What my male friends are telling me is a little bit different from X, they say something like “take it easy, cool down a bit, ur current way of life and thinking ‘frightens’ those who u’d think of proposing” (and here they mean the so-called normal 9-5 lad) !!!
    Who cares !
    Ayna3am loneliness is a bitter enemy (who wouldn’t like to be pampered and hugged!), but there are lots of ways to fight it till destiny reveals itself 🙂

  2. Was just talking with a friend about the same thing.. about the need to have this person in one’s life.. the need to be felt without talking.. the need for sharing..

  3. He will come ya gama3a believe me, he will come, don’t worry, things take time bas.

    Nerro, I loved your reply on that X, bent gamda gedan 🙂 I am proud of you

  4. Nousha: if they are not good enough for you…yes give the who cares thing..sa7.

    Moon: “sigh”

    M&Ms: tayeb hanestana ya Emi 7ader :D. shofty ba2a..ya benty ana mesh sahla ;))

  5. going 30 is a bit freeky till you realize the beauty of each age and the fun of being seen by people as a mature person even before you talk, lol.
    I am 32 now and I am enjoying it just the thought that I am already counting down not counting up what freeks me.
    who is the first one who sang “3asfour tal men elshebak” I thought she was Aida ElAyouby. and another congratulation on your self esteem, I can tell from your writings only you are a sharming, considering, kind and a bit krazy human being and I wish that people say the same one day about me.

  6. Happy Birthday mokadaman 🙂
    awalan.. i love Tom & Jerry so i was sad by that bit of news..although he was 90!
    I envy ur confidence..as I am some1 who tries 2 appear SO confident while I’m anything but that inside..
    It’s sad..but it’s my way of protecting my weaknesses..
    But it’s ok 2 be weak with people you love..

  7. “call me an ugly duckling, but that won’t change the fact that am a beautiful heart and mind”

    Waaw, what a reply. I really liked it. Tell me, what did he say then? I guess he wanted to “el ard tetsha2 w tebla3ou”:) yestahel:)

    Keep on the high self-esteem:)

  8. well, turning 30 keeps the mind busy and the soul unrested but it ends easily when you find yourself in control of many things around and more confident the same way you described it. then what? just another figure added…
    greetings to the beautiful sould, mind, and everything 🙂

  9. Ages is but a number! Just don’t fall in the ‘trap’ of the 30-year-old-should-be-miserable sort of an Egyptian young female!!!

    Your post left me with a thought of the way fate or whatever is sometimes absurdly playing with us. Why should someone who enjoys a malice-free heart like you suffer from a snobbish, heartless and inhumane person like that man described here?!

    The core problem is that some of us were born in the wrong place, maybe the wrong time!

  10. Asrar el banat: mmm..it is always ok to be the person you are with the ones you love, mafish mashakel momken shwayet weaknes, bas not always. work on it. PS: you have a nice blog.

    Wonderer: 🙂 7aga zay keda..thanx hon.

    Hossam: can’t agree more…thanks my friend 🙂

    Alaa: nas liha bakht w nas liha terter :D, still we have a life to live…3adi no matter how wrong is the time or the place.

  11. 😦 no comment

  12. ?? 3ala eih

  13. I really like your blog, Nerro. And now I’m envious I want to have a blog @ wordpress. Anyway…

    Are you Nesreen’s sister, by the way?

    That guy X is of course a moron. The funny thing is he tried to convey to you that’s you’re not pretty enough (which must be wrong as beauty lies within every good person no matter what and in the eyes of the beholder).

    He just said that to hide his own weakness. You know what’s ironic? A couple of guys who proposed to me before never ever told me anything about my looks even though I’m told I’m really pretty al7amdollelah (I owe it to my English mother, I guess). One of them would even talk to me about PRETTY girls he knew like I was so ugly!! And the other told me more than once how handsome he thought he looked and he was UGLY!! Of course that meant he was insecure.

    Believe me, sometimes when you have good looks it intimidates people. Oh well.

  14. Thanks a lot Mystery, but don’t don’t don’t…forget this wordpress blog, seriously, at least until they start designing new templates, I can’t find a good one that suits me khales.
    Yep, am Nesrina’s twin sister 🙂
    I totally agree with you, it is a technique keda that some guys use, and unfortunately it works with a few girls..
    You enjoy ur Alex trip, it is about the best time of the year to visit Alex, was just there a few days ago and had a blast…Happy New Year

  15. Hey thanks sweetheart 🙂 Alex is great but it’s been raining ever since we got here 😦 Happy New Year to you and Nesrina. Hope to see you around my blog 😉

  16. It is even better when it is raining 😀
    Thanks a lot ya gamila.


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