On turning into a monstrous creature

What kind of person am I turning into!! 

A few years back I was so proud of myself, being always referred to as a real deal or a “what you see, what you get” kinda gal.  The statement used to put me at the top of the world.   Was sort of a signal eno am on the right track, the track I consciously chose since I decided to be the person that I am.  To stand for being myself.  Back then I used to look at the mirror proudly keda, but today I don’t have the nerve to look myself in the eye and claim that am as real as I used to be (or as I thought myself to be).

 

I am afraid I’ve lost my ability to love, accept, and appreciate the other.  I don’t know, I am always anticipating…awaiting the punch, I take it for granted that I’ll get punched.  The normal nerro attitude was “roll with the punches”, it used to work.    But walahi walahi, I don’t have neither the flexibility to roll nor enough strength to take more punches, it is gonna total wreck me.

 

I’ve lost my ability to believe and trust, to be perfectly honest I can’t assume good will with anybody as I used to do, I always go like (mmm…then?? Let me see what’s behind). 

An Intense feeling of insecurity is building up and so is the shield.

Published in: on August 26, 2007 at 1:00 pm  Comments Off on On turning into a monstrous creature  
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