Will I get peritonitis of the soul!!

I always want and aspire to do things, embrace certain people in my life and get closer.  Nevertheless, whenever I start I feel a stern urge to retreat, to forget, and let go.

 

I am particularly apprehensive about doors, and what lies behind.

 

I don’t trust “easily”….it takes me forever to just confide in someone.

 

I believe in the goodness of people, not the absolute goodness though.   People do things with good intentions,  leaders claim they have the best of intentions while they screw up, even murderers and burglars declare innocence and virtuousness; Al Capone once said  “I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man”…see!! It is  relative

 

I am drifting over in my own world without making much contact with the surroundings. It is consuming, yet I don’t know what am I keeping the energy for.

 

My brain cells aches whenever I come to the edge of an unthinkable thought

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Published in: on September 9, 2008 at 12:36 pm  Comments (9)  
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  1. Mmmmm…. I do relate awy ya Nerro! I too want to do many new things… but I just lose interest in the last minute. There’s just one thing different between us… I am not saving any energy because I have none. I am like someone in a very dark road who holds a candle that keeps her yadobak on track and without stumbling down. I have no sun in my sky! Just some sparkling stars that still keep my life beautiful el 7amdolillah. But no sun…!

  2. oh my goodness…no sun :S la2 la2 fakari tani keda.

  3. أصارع هذه الفجوة التي تتسع بسرعة رهيبة بيني و بين المجتمع و الأهل و حتى الأصدقاء… أحاول الإندماج و أفشل كالمعتاد لينتهي بي المطاف بداخل عالمي الخاص…

    “I am drifting over in my own world without making much contact with the surroundings. It is consuming, yet I don’t know what am I keeping the energy for.

    My brain cells aches whenever I come to the edge of an unthinkable thought”

    Ah yana!

  4. Well, I kind of have a solution for this situation that doesn’t always guarantee good results, but at least it eliminates guilt and the “what if” syndrome.
    I usually just gear up and drive impulsively in whatever situation that I am hesitant about. In another meaning, I blindfold myself and walk the plank; either there’s a raft or there are sharks, either way I try to deal. I’d rather be in a foreign situation than ask “what if” after a while.

  5. Rou: 3adi, it is a phase…hay3adi 😀

    Cesario: you probably didn’t get me right…I can’t see where is the part about “guilt & the what if syndrome”!! 🙂

  6. I guess I read my own interpretation. Yalla, my mistake 🙂

  7. no problem 🙂 on a different note nawarty el blog

  8. I think dealing with all kinds of people on daily basis and socializing with them on a certain level is the cure to all this symptoms, for me it is the only thing that keeps my mind busy and from noticing their actions and way of behaviour I learn and realize facts in life, and although people are usually worse than I can ever imagine, I still trust people till the opposite is proven.

  9. I am all about details, i can’t stop noticing people’s behaviour and actions…that’s all about them, how can you ignore that 🙂


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