3/365 what are you waiting for


When you see every possible sign….run.  There is nothing brave or romantic about waiting for a different end while walking the same path recognizing the resemblance in oblivion.

                 “she could escape only by leaving a piece of herself behind.”

Published in: on December 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

on a very personal note

– In case you didn’t notice, we all fall under the real definition of peripatetic ticking bombs. Our tolerance level to each other is below zero these days, which I find it pretty normal.

I try to act according to this base mostly all the time, but I explode when pushed to an edge.

– It is the end of May already, and June is a couple of days away. I just don’t know if I have admitted this explicitly before, but I hate June..I used to dislike it prior to 2010, as I considered it along with July one long hot 60 days month. Since the death of Grandma last year in the 1st day of June…I announced my pure and extreme abhorrence.  I know I shouldn’t hate ayam rabena.

But I just cannot prevent myself from doing so. I have been fighting this feeling but my heart is as heavy as a 3 story building with a swimming pool on top.


 – Note to *him*: message –or lack thereof- received, and acknowledged.

Current state of heart and mind:

“There is some kind of sweet innocence in being human – in not having to be just happy or just sad- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole at the same time.”

                                                           – C.JoyBell C.-

Currently reading:

The Forty Rules of Love – Elif Shafak

Published in: on May 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm  Leave a Comment  

on Beliefs

I believe in wearing anything beautiful, colorful, and comfy.  I believe in smiling at strangers. In being chaotic and crooked and compassionate.  I believe in stars and the way some thousand year old dust of theirs is sitting inside your chest right now.  I believe in chances and signs, and I believe in something much more marvelous and outside the stretch of my understanding.  I believe in the sand beneath my toes.  I believe in sun burns and getting your hands dirty.   I believe in potential.  In fireworks in the bottom of a waterlogged soul.   I believe in love and wonder and magic at first sight, at after sight and ever and ever sight, at every single god damn sight.  I believe in believing, i believe in reason and lack thereof.  I believe in logic and sanity, and everything that undermines it.  Everything that ditches all the rules when required.  I believe in music being turned all the way up and the windows rolled down, I believe in things with and without words.  I believe in unconditional and I believe in a love that isn’t jealous or selfish or could be at times.  I believe in things this world tells me are foolish, and I believe in them passionately and without apologies.  I believe that science can only tell me how and history can only tell me when but neither can tell me why.  I believe in being limitless and fascinated than confined and nodding my head.

Published in: on January 5, 2011 at 11:15 am  Comments (1)  

A new day has come!!

Once upon a time a friend of mine told me that I don’t write except when am hurt or angry.  I argued back then eno la2 tab3an, I tend to spill my heart out whenever I feel like it…me thinks she had a point.

Zaman I used to trust writing rather than talking, then I figured la2 eno writing is a lonely act,  and although I connect in a level with a lot of people, yet I am missing the vis-à-vis human interaction…which is pretty much the essence of living (to some) not all.   I am more of a listener, but that’s not the rule, sometimes Rateeba and Ensaf –or either one- take over and I get to be the non-stop talker rather than the listener…why am I saying this right now?

I have no idea.  I just figured that it is not about Rateeba, Ensaf, or Nerro…it is about the others as well, some people make you feel comfortable from the first sight, that you can connect in an eye blink.   Others might make you feel like an alien and you are the last person they would be caught dead talking to.

It is the unspoken messages, that makes you either to talk or to resort to listening.

Quote of the day:

“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”

On: someone

I asked if he is here for  “a reason, a season, or a lifetime”.   “lifetime” he answered.  While I was sure he is there only for a season.

during that season “I was taken by His voice and His gestures, not by the substance of His speech. He charmed me but never convinced me; for He was too vague, too distant and obscure to reach my mind.
I have known other men like Him. They are never constant nor are they consistent. It is with eloquence not with principles that they hold your ear and your passing thought, but never the core of your heart.”

Published in: on October 24, 2009 at 9:39 pm  Comments (6)  

Autumn in New York

Autumn in New York is not the best movie ever, but for some reasons I just like it. Richard Gere and Winona Ryder are wonderful, I like Winona Ryder originally coz she is the one who did Jo March character in Little women the movie.

Although the movie theme is just an old and repeated one yet there are moments and quotes that I can’t just let go:

When Will told Charlotte, “you ruined me for other women” she said “I saved you for them”.

“There’s only 2 kinds of love stories in this world…boy loses girl, girl loses boy…that’s it. Somebody always gets left behind”

When Will told charlotte “I am too old for you” she replied “I collect antiques”.

Since I am a fan, Charlotte quoting Emily Dickinson, the # 1 American female poet, was just perfect.

Gotta leave now, but not without quoting Dickison too :))

POOR little heart!
Did they forget thee?
Then dinna care! Then dinna care!

Proud little heart!
Did they forsake thee?
Be debonair! Be debonair!

Frail little heart!
I would not break thee:
Could’st credit me? Could’st credit me?

Gay little heart!
Like morning glory
Thou’ll wilted be; thou’ll wilted be!

Published in: on August 3, 2009 at 12:45 pm  Leave a Comment  

of Weird reading habits

odd reading habits In her book Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader; Author Anne Fadiman wrote: “If you truly love a book, you should sleep with it, write in it, read aloud from it, and fill its pages with muffin crumbs..”

Although I loved the book yet, the minute I laid eyes on this particular sentence I had to disagree out loud, and called the lady a BOOK BRUISER (I usually talk to authors and characters while reading 3adi khales).

I then paused to reflect on readers behavior, and tried to compare mine to friends.  It occurred to me that people never seize to amaze you with your eccentricities while reading.  The more you watch them the more you feel compelled to write a book about their odd reading behaviors or habits.

For instance -away from talking to the characters and authors-  me being a neat reader I tend to treat books with extra care. I really really love to see them always as good as new.  My reading kit (see attached photo 😉 includes a Book, eye glasses, and highlighting flags -mind you I don’t use pens, pencils, or fluorescent highlighters-  whenever I come
across favorite lines, quotes, or paragraphs I stick one the flags on them.  Needless to say that each color is of  significance :

Pink: favorite quotes/lines
Yellow: researchable material
Orange: bloggable thoughts 😀
what about green and blue?
Am not big on them ..fa I use them as back-up

What about you!!  Do you have any other odd or intriguing reading habits to confess?

Published in: on July 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm  Comments (13)  

Falling for the same pattern!

“You are so terribly nimble, so clever. I distrust your cleverness. You make a wonderful pattern, everything is in its place, it looks convincingly clear, too clear. And meanwhile, where are you? Not on the clear surface of your ideas, but you have already sunk deeper, into darker regions, so that one only thinks one has been given all your thoughts, one only imagines you have emptied yourself in that clarity. But there are layers and layers — you’re bottomless, unfathomable. Your clearness is deceptive. You are the thinker who arouses most confusion in me, most doubt, most disturbance”

                                                                          Anaïs Nin


Published in: on April 21, 2009 at 11:38 am  Comments (2)  

Excerpts from my Violet Diary Book

Jan 13th, 2009. 5:30 pm

Right on the Alexandrian shore; I want to capture this scene with all its associated smells and sounds. Lights blazing along the shore hopelessly competing with a full moon that took its place in the middle of the sky proudly with a faint haze of coyness. Sounds of weak cold waves hitting the semi dry sand softly echoing the friendly laughs and whispers.

Jan 19th, 2009. 11:00 am

Thinking of E; I decided it is not gonna work out. There is something that doesn’t feel right. Money and power intimidates me. I can handle the intellects but that…I can’t compete with, well, I don’t want to compete with. The cut off wasn’t as smooth as I expected. He makes me feel guilty, I hate when this kind of emotional burden yet since I’ve been in his shoes before I can’t complain, I totally understand. I just think the sooner the better. “إذا كان بعض الظن إثم، فبعضه بمفهوم المخالفة حلال” فتحي غانم

Jan 25th, 2009. 8:30 am

Ya 7aram, as a result of pollution and congestion; traffic officers (especially in downtown area and on the 6th of October bridge) have developed sort of a nervous system disease that compells them to move their hands frantically in a notion for drivers to move quickly no matter how blocked the streets are.

Published in: on January 31, 2009 at 11:35 am  Comments (3)  

Note to self and to you

” ‘D’you know what happens when you hurt people?’ Ammu said. “When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less”

                                         From The God of Little Things – Arundhati Roy

Published in: on January 12, 2009 at 5:24 pm  Comments (9)  

A new year is unfolding

I am grateful for the hideously ending 2008;

– That it taught me to grow up instead of growing old.

– That it brought me peace of mind  rather than agitation during the hardest time.

During 2008,

– I’ve committed to my resolutions and was happy seeing myself exercise much of  needed discipline.

– I was blessed enough to see a childhood dream come true.

–  I knew for sure that not all that shines is gold.

– I was brutally hurt, and was haunted by many ghosts from the past.  Yet I decided not to go for medicore solutions.

Today, I decided to:   “Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past.  Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go”

However, I believe its that imperfection that made it perfect.

Happy New Year,


Published in: on December 31, 2008 at 1:02 pm  Comments (4)  

Relating to: Pride & Prejudice

“I certainly have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done”

Published in: on December 2, 2008 at 11:10 am  Comments (5)  

On Hope


“Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It’s such a surprise”

Published in: on November 14, 2008 at 1:36 am  Comments (1)  

Of the pinky life of moi & miraculous equations

Well, the past period wasn’t all pinky, I had a few purple days..one cannot dislike purple days though, for A) life is a series of a pink and purple days and they correspondingly lead to each other  B) purple is tres a la mode 😉


I have to admit, that although I was super stressed at work, and had other-distressing- issues along side, yet what really put me that down was “disappointment”.  The thing is I believe in people more than any other thing in the world, more than I should to be honest.  (To my surprise or not) I was totally disappointed in many people lately, I don’t want to go whine about it for long.  I have to admit, it is not their fault, it is mine…coz I don’t learn from past experiences, I don’t or pretend not to see the Crystal Clear signs, I just keep expecting and hoping for the best -which is pretty lame and childish not to mention draining-

Note to self: new year’s resolution should be flexibility and learning from past experiences. 

It was like a huge engulfing wave that brought along so much despondency, but hey it is over with.


Off with the purple..let’s go pink!! 

Mama Mia + Meteorological delights =  Mood Booster

It was that very Friday when I went out to watch Mamma Mia with a friend when – in a strange turn of events- Autumn has decided to make a guest star appearance in the land of the Pharaohs.  Rumor has it, Winter is approaching…It is getting a bit chilly in the early morning and late evenings..well not so late evenings ya3ni.   The thunderous appearance was genuinely welcomed J, and has significantly altered the mood.

Note to you:

Dr. Seuss 2al eih: ” those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”, so if you do mind..then you don’t matter, no!!  (not in that haughty manner that it sounds)


Book Recommendation:

Half of a yellow sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie


Published in: on October 28, 2008 at 12:49 pm  Comments (2)  

3 reasons: why do I (neutral/indifferent)* thee!!

         You make me feel that I have the IQ of a dinner plate

         We have as much chances together as a snowball in hell

         You are too much into cheap theatrics


* “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”  

                                                                        Elie Wiesel

Published in: on September 21, 2008 at 1:19 pm  Comments (3)