Chasing the Golden Butterflies in El Dorado

I want to live
I want to give
I’ve been a miner
for a heart of gold
It’s these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching
for a heart of gold
and I’m getting old
                                     (Heart of Gold, Tori Amos)



I sure am getting old, but apparently it is not a good enough reason for me to stop the chase.  I am not willing to give up, cannot apprehend the idea of letting go and  cling to whatever life offers. 


It ultimately offers some good stuff , but what is good? Can you define “good”!! good is subjective, nothing definite about it. 


I suppose we all learned the hard way that Dreadfully Awful can surprisingly be Splendidly Admirable, no!! but again who can tell! We always get to figure it out pretty late in the game.

Published in: on March 23, 2009 at 1:24 pm  Comments (4)  

Will I get peritonitis of the soul!!

I always want and aspire to do things, embrace certain people in my life and get closer.  Nevertheless, whenever I start I feel a stern urge to retreat, to forget, and let go.


I am particularly apprehensive about doors, and what lies behind.


I don’t trust “easily”….it takes me forever to just confide in someone.


I believe in the goodness of people, not the absolute goodness though.   People do things with good intentions,  leaders claim they have the best of intentions while they screw up, even murderers and burglars declare innocence and virtuousness; Al Capone once said  “I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man”…see!! It is  relative


I am drifting over in my own world without making much contact with the surroundings. It is consuming, yet I don’t know what am I keeping the energy for.


My brain cells aches whenever I come to the edge of an unthinkable thought

Published in: on September 9, 2008 at 12:36 pm  Comments (9)