Stripping Bare – Barely Stripping

Six months away from that day , we met again. In a once was an amazing place, an intimate district that has its idiosyncratic scent and significance, checked green tablecloth, hideous mismatched chairs, and an unbearable feeling of desolation.

I said I missed him; I wasn’t lying, he said the same and I am sure he said the truth. Something about the energy, the place, along with the conversation was urging me to leave after the first 30 minutes. I should have stopped there; I should have grabbed my”self” and rushed out . Alas, I didn’t; I am-with him- always late; always a step behind, always missing out on the right time.

He decided to put on Aristotle’s robe and started-indirectly- preaching, directing, condemning, and judging. I played along until finally philosophy bored me, I showed discontent. I started talking “me” while he showed lack of interest. Desperate for a rare/genuine moment of connection; I bounced back to his realm where he associated wisdom, Ghandi, and Greek Mythology.

I violently disapproved the association of Myths and Reality, epics of vicious atrocities to peaceful history making. I wasn’t defending the symbol, as much as I was defending my right of speaking up, talking my heart out, being heard and appreciated.

An hour later I decided to cut myself off him. I left awaiting this warm/flirtatious sms that habitually follows our gatherings, nevertheless today it not only came late but as icily as it could be… solitude prevailed.

According to Merriam Webster Solitude means the state of one who is alone. Solitude may imply a condition of being apart from all human beings or of being cut off by wish or circumstances from one’s associates.

In the long journey of finding refuge and comfort;

I am in the process of losing a friend whom I once declared “family”, he suspected my intentions and questioned our relation, while I underestimated the consequences not indifferently, but out of sheer belief in familial bond.

– I learned to cry my eyes and heart in, I did it today

I don’t question religion, neither my religion nor any other.

– I wonder if am growing up or growing old!!

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Published in: on April 28, 2008 at 12:34 am  Comments (5)  

Of being sun-kissed and other stories

Blogging live from the sunny spot @ CC, where I work.  I finally settled in a nice small office rather than sharing a huge area- a.k.a (circus)- with zillions of other people who tend to speak “loudly” at the same time, and I wondered and wondered how on earth do they ever manage to understand each other. 

 

The current situation makes being in low profile waaaaaaay easier, not quite sure if it is a pro or con. Mmmmm.. I have a tendency to see it as a pro  distancing myself is what I certainly need.

 

Note to self: people are defensive and insecure by nature; accept it; beware of the infection.

 

I’ve recently been asked to play house by a guy, a guy that I  was once falling for.  Surprisingly, the request didn’t move a single bit of me, I wasn’t touched with the come back.  The L word sounded obsolete…hollow; not because it was him who said it, but in a broad-spectrum, the word became pointless. I no longer believe in vocalizing emotions, I would rather see a move or an action…a real thing.  

 

As for the new colleague; a.k.a Mr. Pompous; I gave up the chase; hated his guts as well as turned off by his arrogance.

Published in: on April 22, 2008 at 11:56 am  Comments (3)  
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