On beliefs
29 Jul 2010 1 Comment
in Diaries, Dreams, Feelings, Personal, Rateeba W Ensaf
I believe that God is great, and he is “Merciful”, I read that in the Quran and in many a7adith, yet the yaqeen made it to my heart long time ago through experience.
I believe am neither a good person, nor a bad person but a “jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants”, and if I practiced the required amount of discipline, I can pretty much turn to the wants into a guaranteed source of contentment.
I believe that I need to stop rambling on the Facebook and start utilizing this blog to spill my heart out as I used to do.
of losses and heartaches
29 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Diaries, Feelings, Personal, Quotes
At the temple, there is a poem called “Loss”, carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read “Loss”… Only feel it. “
Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden”.
The above statement sums up the past few months; things came tumbling down all the way, where neither standing straight and fight nor ducking down to avoid the lashes were options. It was surreal… but el7amdolelah, it is all over now, or that’s what I hope. (ya rab).
Walking towards sunshine II
19 May 2010 5 Comments
in Beautiful mornings, Diaries, Feelings, Personal, Rateeba W Ensaf, uncategorized Tags: relationships
With every heartbreak, you look inside and see that little heart of yours torn into million little pieces, you swear you will never give it to anyone and will never accept anyone else’s. You try to put the pieces together, alas..you fail. The gash is too deep, and the flow of blood won’t stop. The pain is endless that you wake up, stare at your pillow all soggy, and wonder if that emotional drain will ever come to a hush.
You – robotically-live your life, start walking around with this sort of apparently focused yet actually absent look, the sun takes notice and decides to chase you like you used to chase her… teasingly glistening on your skin, you realize that you have to play along. You look and remember that you have missed out on the main purpose, you remember that it is not the end of the journey yet.
The sun extends those luminous hands to your chest, takes a look at the messed up organ, then turns those fractures and splinters into a window; where you can see through your soul; where you can see the hidden gifts buried under the once was smooth flawless surface. You understand that even a heartbreak is yet another way of evolution, bitterness slightly develop into appreciation…and you murmur a “thank you” and a little prayer. You feel loved although someone slammed a door thrashing your passion and infatuation, but you have seen others standing at the end of corridor lovingly collecting and embracing the smashed defeated bits. You are whole again.
The sun glimpses a smirk on your face, she walks with you hand in hand, steps swift and sturdy, until you gain momentum…then she runs, quickly…for you to chase her again. And you effortlessly do :D
To those who are frustrated, giving up, and losing interest in life
03 May 2010 12 Comments
in Diaries, Feelings, Personal, Poetry, people, uncategorized
My Grandma is sick, as in really sick (in a critical condition). Despite her pain, when she is conscious she smiles and giggles.. as usual she is keen on teaching me lessons to live with.
Refuse to fall down
If you cannot refuse to fall down
Refuse to stay down
lift your heart toward heaven like a hungry beggar
ask that it be filled and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down
You may be kept from rising
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven-only you.
It is in the middle of misery that so much becomes clear
The one who says nothing good came of this is not yet listening
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
A new day has come!!
28 Apr 2010 2 Comments
in Beautiful mornings, Diaries, Feelings, Personal, Quotes, Rateeba W Ensaf, people Tags: bla bla bla, quotes, lemony snicket
Once upon a time a friend of mine told me that I don’t write except when am hurt or angry. I argued back then eno la2 tab3an, I tend to spill my heart out whenever I feel like it…me thinks she had a point.
Zaman I used to trust writing rather than talking, then I figured la2 eno writing is a lonely act, and although I connect in a level with a lot of people, yet I am missing the vis-à-vis human interaction…which is pretty much the essence of living (to some) not all. I am more of a listener, but that’s not the rule, sometimes Rateeba and Ensaf –or either one- take over and I get to be the non-stop talker rather than the listener…why am I saying this right now?
I have no idea. I just figured that it is not about Rateeba, Ensaf, or Nerro…it is about the others as well, some people make you feel comfortable from the first sight, that you can connect in an eye blink. Others might make you feel like an alien and you are the last person they would be caught dead talking to.
It is the unspoken messages, that makes you either to talk or to resort to listening.
Quote of the day:
“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”
Walking towards sunshine
27 Apr 2010 Comments Off
in Diaries, Feelings, Personal, uncategorized
Although I am almost never alone, but I feel the loneliest ever…the most insecure and vulnerable…I’ve practically put myself in deep –lamuakhza-shit a few months ago, and couldn’t get myself out of it easily, it took me so long to get out. On the way out, I’ve lost a few things, my pride was one of them…and actually was the one thing that pushed me to fight back and try to stand up and wipe the mess out. I am emotionally depleted, and mentally exhausted. I did that to myself, won’t blame anyone else.
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
setchi el 7abayeb ya 7abiba…tara ra
14 Mar 2010 3 Comments
in Cool Stuff, Feelings, Personal, Rateeba W Ensaf Tags: mother's day
Mothers Day is a few days away…and the most prominent question these days is; hatgibo eih fi 3eed el 2om!! no?
yalla share your thoughts and ideas for the best present for our lovely precious Mamas.
Also, Mamas always have very special memories and stories about presents given to them by their children. for instance; my Mama today gets fancy and nice presents, yet she cherishes the handmade cards my sister and I used to make while we were very young…she has kept every single flawed note and card. She never misses an opportunity to get them out of their makhba2 serry and re-read them :D
what’s your Mama’s most cherished present?
Happy Motherss Day
The night the Egyptian Cultural Scene was slapped on the face
13 Mar 2010 2 Comments
Last Thursday during the long awaited Ziad El Rahbani Concert I Camel’s sentence kept on reverberating in mind “Culture is an attitude”….
What happened in the cultural wheel last Thursday was a true offence to the word “culture”. A lot of Ziad El Rahbani lovers were high and ecstatic since they heard that he will be performing in Egypt during the Cairo Jazz Festival. Alas, the event was a disappointment: here is a hint of what happened
We knew beforehand it is a standing kind of concert; yet we barely found a place to step in. The culture wheel over-sold the overpriced tickets for the event, that they practically ruined the experience for those who paid to enjoy the music.
Ps: I would have contentedly paid double or triple the ticket price if the event was at the opera house that’s for sure, only becoz I would have been positive that it will be a magnificent experience.
The culture wheel adopts a no smoking policy in its premises; awesome no? well…that didn’t happen on Thursday, during the break everyone rushed to the sides of the river hall -which we took a refuge to listen only to Ziad’s music and reconciled with the fact that we won’t see the performance- to smoke ignoring not only the convenience of the others but only their safety, let alone the rules of the place.
When I asked the only available organizer to stop them from smoking, he shrugged and said that he tried, but they won’t stop.
The concert, organizers, and attendance were an extreme disappointment. The whole thing was pretty much a bunch on the face to the fragile alleged cultural scene in Egypt
Getting rid of the Gigi inside me
07 Feb 2010 11 Comments
in Diaries, Feelings Tags: heart affairs, bookfair, blog anniversary
It is February already!!! the blog’s 5th anniversary :D
A few months later we will be wondering how on earth did 2010 came to an end that quickly!!
On movies and the new generation:
Yesterday I went to the movies to watch the new Dawood 3abdel Sayed’s Rasa2el El Ba7r. To start off I was amazed to see the number of kids standing in the line to get their tickets!! Am talking 10-13 yrs old kids here.
Note to you: the movie is lel kobar faqat!!!
Ma 3alena…standing in the line, my amazement has turned to sheer discontent finding all those kids playing (yes as in a toy not a mobile business tool) with their Black Berries!! I don’t want to be judgmental here…but seriously where are the parents!!!!
on the movie ba2a…and regardless of the guy sitting behind me who took on himself the responsibility of reciting the script word by word…fa I think it is one of the best Arabic ones I’ve seen in a while. Ah…and a very very important note; Asser Yassin is a very talented actor., da tab3an besides that fact that he is super attractive.
On a personal bit: “El wad albo beyewga3o w 3ayez 7ad yedala3o”
I wrote to someone “Had I the capacity to hate people, I would have hated you…I actually would have created hate groups in your name and promoted them, yet I don’t know how to do that…for me the opposite of love is not hate..it is indifference” and yes I quoted Dr. Seuss on a hate note…not quite sure if my hate note been taken seriously though!!! Hatred could be liberating…..sometimes.
The Book Fair:
A.K.A..the annual book fiesta, which has now turned into ma3rad el sela3 el mo3amera!! This year when you think about strolling around the different pavilions, be prepared…salesmen will haunt you down and bombard you with fliers and offers to buy laptops, TVs, and mobiles!!! DIS_A_PPOINT_ING.
For more details about the CIBF..check out Mermaid & Ibhog’s review on READ newspaper ;))
2009 is over with..next!!
05 Jan 2010 14 Comments
in Beautiful mornings, Diaries, Feelings Tags: new year 2010
2009 has passed with all its ups and downs, been a heck of a year..cannot say it was a bad one at all el7amdolelah on many levels, yet I have to admit that I have royally been flushed..and to be more honest I played a significant role in getting myself down there (hence the disappointment).
Highlights of the year;
1- Accepting a new challenge at work; was able to position myself among the top players in a short time…and am determined to stay as is until I call it quits isa.
2- Europe Trip: another out of comfort zone challenge; budget travel, sharing small spaces with others and trying to adapt while letting go of “my space/distance obsession”…resulted on a strengthened friendship, a memorable, heart warming trip..and numerous lessons to last for a life time.
3- READ Newspaper: I started off writing reviews, and currently managing the Book Fair page…Dido thinks that I am helping out in this in a friendly way. Yet for me this is an opportunity; am learning a lot, acquiring new personal and professional skills, getting to know a lot about myself and others, and I tend to consider part of my community service participation as well.
4- I managed to FORGIVE (I really did).
In 2010, I wish I can be more productive, write more (specially in Arabic). Learn a new thing (am still trying to find a fer2a masra7eya motagawela), exercise regularly, go the white desert and Siwa, regain my energy level, recapture those priceless moments of connection with God…and be a better person. w ya rab emotional fulfillment men 3andak.
Love,
Nerro
haze, maze, and daze
03 Jan 2010 Leave a Comment
in Feelings Tags: break ups, heart affairs
And am not broken hearted, I feel betrayed, underestimated and undermined.
Am fine emotionally, but I really don’t know if I will be able to trust again. This appeared to be as good as it gets..so should I look for less? Would worse replace better, and end up the best??
is pretty clueleth!!
and a Happy New Year :))
31 Dec 2009 4 Comments
in New Year, Rateeba W Ensaf Tags: New Year, warm wishes
Ya rab…Happiness, Love, Wisdom, Peace of mind…to all of us :D
Happy New year,
Nerro, Ratiba & Ensaf
3andek Matbakh??
05 Dec 2009 13 Comments
in Childhood, Diaries, Feelings, Personal, Rateeba W Ensaf, people Tags: friendship/companionship
I yearn to the time where all it took to befriend someone was a simple sentence like “momken netsa7eb?” or if you wanted to raise the bar for them a bit you would go for “3andek matbakh?”
Zaman when we were young we sort of figured early on that friendship/companionship is what we need; ,we were open, clear, and specific about it. We were able to say yes to those whom we related to and no to those whom we didn’t. A compromise would have been “balash matbakh, tab tea set?” I mean come on…who doesn’t have a tea set!!! An imaginary tea party would serve the purpose, break the ice, and open the hearts for life, love, and inexplicable bonds that would last for years, months, days, or even a couple of hours. Yet I dare say genuine…for the lack of misleading, delusive, hypocrite, between the lines notions make it easy to get to know people, let alone accepting them as they are.
Today, it takes forever to get to know someone, companionship is not a popular term; it usually entails other benefits, or not… but something gotta come out of it, or this is how you presume it would entail before even initiating a contact with someone you are interested in knowing.
I know am one of those incredibly socially challenged people; but not because I don’t like people…bel3aks, I like people as is, as genuine and authentic as they are. I don’t mind their flaws…cause simply we are all flawed. And those who think people should be perfect must really think twice, cause human beings are not meant to be flawless…they are not angels.
Today I saw a seemingly interesting person that I would have loved to get to know; yet I left and the sentence “3andek matbakh?” kept on reverberating in my mind.
The World Cup Qualifiers Nighmare
19 Nov 2009 Leave a Comment
in Crisis
Following the anticipated game between Egypt and Algeria in the world cup qualifiers, and instead of celebrating their victory. Algerians decided to go bananas on Egyptians, and destroyed the buses used by the Egyptian supporters. They have swords, knives, and beating the hell out of them.
http://www.youm7.com/News.asp?NewsID=157876
I am watching the TV and crying my heart out, listening to the Egyptians calling for rescue.
the current situation is: Egyptians in Khartoum are calling for rescue; they are either trying to sneak out, injured, or trapped somewhere!!!! this is turning into a nightmare.
Why Can’t I!!!
13 Nov 2009 2 Comments
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